Toddler tribulations

Emily has really been testing me the last few days. It is particularly bad just after lunch and supper, when she is getting tired and about to head to bed. She will do things that she knows are wrong such as take Hope's soother, refuse to come with me upstairs, refuse a diaper change, throw a tantrum about watching t.v., throw a tantrum about going to bed, etc etc. I give her a time out and she refuses to stay on the stairs or in the corner; she laughs when I get angry; I try to physically hold her in place and she laughs, wiggles, etc. Yesterday she actually hit me. That's when I really had it and let her know. This only made things worse. The conflict between us seemed to be escalating each day and I wasn't getting anywhere. That was clear.

Obviously my discipline style wasn't working with her. I would characterize my discipline style as very stern and firm. I lower my voice, sound very serious and sometimes angry. I tell her what she has done wrong, why it is wrong and the consequences if she does it again. Using this, she almost always does it again, clearly to get a reaction and attention - this is likely a symptom of having "competition" for my time now.

After deciding my current method of dealing with all of this wasn't working, I decided, in the absence of my mum (the guru of child discipline in my opinion), that I should turn to some "professionals" and see what they had to say. I have started with the Baby Whisperer. In summary, she essentially says that you can't be "subjective" in your discipline with toddlers, i.e. you can't show them your emotional reaction to the situation (anger, frustration etc). You have to remain calm and see the situation objectively - why it happened, what the toddler is experiencing etc. You also need to verbally recognize how the toddler is feeling, intervene (by correcting them) and then have consequences if the behaviour continues. I started applying this today. I feel I was using the right approach in telling Emily what she did wrong, why it had to change, etc but I was way too emotional about it and she reacted to that. The results have been great today. Each time she started to get a bit out of control or head towards a tantrum or conflict, I stayed calm, got down to her physical level and recognized how she felt but why it had to be done my way. I didn't go into big explanations. I just told her the deal and sometimes it was just "I know you're upset but no more Barney." If she pushed it, I told her the consequences and she always complied if she hadn't at the start.

Reading the Baby Whisperer stuff again has also inspired me to reattack toilet training which hasn't been going well lately. I was still getting her on the potty when I could but she would sometimes resist and I didn't push it, thinking it would be a mistake to do so. Anyway, I'm totally changing my tactic and I'm going to try the B.W. method instead. So, this afternoon, Emily and I went and bought a load of "big girl" underwear and she was in it all day. The result was that she did sit on the potty 4 times and also had several accidents in her underwear, which the B.W. says to expect. However, I'm going to keep it up and see what results I get. I think that if I'm consistent, and persevere through the accidents, I'll get results in a few weeks.

I'm tired of diapers and want to take it down to one kid at this point. Also, a two-year old's poop is gross. I'll be sure to post constant and graphic updates.