You know those times where you're asked about your most embarrassing moment? Since I was about 22 I've always used the same story and nothing has ever come close to replacing it.
I was trying to set up our new DSL connection (which, by the by, may prove to be an egregious error on our part. The $50 a month we were spending on a high-speed cable connection is now starting to sound like it was worth every penny but I digress.). I was having problems. I won't go into all of it now, but I got to the point where I didn't have an internet connection and I needed to get the phone number of our router manufacturer. In the midst of all this, two things were happening that are crucial to the story: Hope was crying through the monitor and I had to pee. Pretty bad.
I really needed the phone number so I called John at work. When he didn't pick up after the first ring, I assumed he wasn't at his desk. For those of you who don't know, John is a professor. As professors do, he has his own office with a closed door - no cube farms over there. So, when he doesn't pick up right away, he isn't going to pick up. I quickly ran to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and got ready to leave a message.
He picked up the phone.
Here's what happened next:
Me: Oh, I was going to leave you a message! I'm sitting on the toilet right now!
John: (Silence) Um, this isn't John.
Me: Uh, what? Oh my word. Oh God. I AM SO EMBARASSED! I AM SO EMBARRASSED! [Yes, I said this]
Me: Who is this?
Unknown person sending me to an early grave: I'm John's T.A.
Me: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. I'm so embarassed! I can't believe I just said that!
UPSMTAEG: I didn't hear anything. I don't know what you said. It was so fast. I didn't hear anything.
UPSMTAEG: Really. I didn't. I don't know what you were saying.
Me: Okay, let's just say that.
UPSMTAEG: Yeah, let's just say that.
We went on to have a conversation about ISPs and the like and pretended that he didn't just hear me tell him that I'm on the toilet. And oh, by the way, I totally finished peeing while I was talking to him. What was I supposed to do, after all? I was in the middle of things. I did refrain from flushing though since we were both pretending that he didn't know I was on the toilet. I didn't want to spoil the false ignorance.
And this, friends, is the real me. If you didn't know me well before, you just got a glimpse of the kind of thing I do. This is for sure more embarrassing than barfing in front of all the ushers at the O'Keefe Centre during a performance of the Nutcracker. For sure.
And, if you know me, you'll also know that while I was embarrassed, I told everyone I could as soon a possible because damn, it's funny.