Thursday, March 12, 2009

More on that topic

When you're not feeling well, the days slow to a snail's pace I find, especially now that I'm not feeling well and I don't know why.

Yeah, that's right, I've still got pains in my right side that have mostly move towards my back, I have very sore muscles down my right leg, up the right side of my back and right shoulder and I'm dog tired all the time. Basically, my right side doesn't like me much right now. My blood work came back all good so that's something I guess.

Add to this that, until this morning, I spent the last several mornings having panic attacks that I won't be around to see my kids grow up. This probably seems extreme but this is the way it is when you have a mother die of an incurable neurological disease that no one could really diagnose for two years. Essentially, I'm scared that this is something very serious, even though it most likely isn't.

My amazing most awesome husband, helped talk me through some of this last night so I'm feeling a little more psychologically sound today. I can't promise it will last though. And this is the main reason I haven't been blogging much. I feel the only thing on my mind aside from the kids and John is my crappy health and it isn't something I want to talk about much. Plus, I'm sleeping every afternoon to get through the rest of the day.

On the plus side, when you think you're at death's door, all of a sudden you start making a little more of the time at home and make homemade clay, form and bake play food out of it with the kids, have a picture painting session, play restaurant, baby shower, builders, etc etc. We've done a lot this week even though I feel like crap.

And then today, the friendly postie brought me something very exciting: a late Christmas present from John that has made me rather happy.

So maybe this will inspire me to find other things to talk about anyway.

5 comments:

Lynn said...

I can completely understand how you must feel -- whenever I'm sick my mind always goes to the worst possible case scenario. I hope they figure things out soon so you can go back to making plans for your grandchildren :).

H Munro said...

Okay,this may sound weird but I was talking to my friend Lyndsay this week and she has been having a numb feeling down the one side of her body, I think it is her left. Her cheek is numb and she can't even lift her arm by the end of the day. I was telling her about you. Her doctor thinks it is a weird virus thing but she has an appointment with a neurologist in April. Anyway, i am going to send her your blog so she can see what you have had to say. Maybe if you doctors know that someone else is having something similiar they can figure it out.

Pam said...

In the words of my children, I am sending you "huggies and big hugs." I hope some of your worries can be held at bay and that your health improves soon.

Julie said...

You know I am sending you all of the positiveness I can muster. So I'm going to the trivial and saying "I want that t-shirt!"

Hope today is a little better.

Kim said...

Hang in there Karen.

I'm a Mom of two also and still going through tests for my cyst on my right ovary. It is growing like crazy and the pain I've had to endure was phenomenal. Mine is an endometriocis cyst. They are just trying to figure out where it is.

I used to get panick attacks as well... no fun.

I'll keep my finger crossed that they find out what it is soon.

Kim